Let's see...

Okay, here we go.

I'm not the kind of person who creates a blog to be a confessionary. Actually, I'm not like that at all, and I guess it's just because I feel a little naked when people know my deep thoughts and feelings. And by the way, that is - or was, now - one of my secrets. Yet, I'm here right now writing what it feels to be a personal thing -or post, whatever.

It's just that... Well, I think all of my friends that have been reading my posts for the last two years in this blog know that I'm not into this thing of judging people who make mistakes. Linguistic mistakes, I mean. I totally agree with that portuguese professor who writes on Caros Amigos -Magno something... don't remeber right now and I'm not in the mood to get an edition to search for his name, so... lets just call him "whatsisname". So, Whatisname says that there's nothing wrong about making mistakes as long as you can achieve the greatest goal of talking; as long as you can communicate, as long as you can transmit your thoughts and ideas, there's nothing wrong about saying things like "pentiar" and "nós vai". And, you know, we're talking about a country that doesn't provide a proper education to all of its population. So how can we judge someone else's way of talking, for god's sake? And even if the person has had a good education and all, we shouldn't critize that aspect of the communication process...

I mean, I do know it's hard not to notice some mistakes, but it's only because we are used to the so called correct way of speaking. I mean, come on, when we are kids or when we don't go to school, we learn a very reasonable and satisfying way of talking that suites everybody lives and needs. But then, when we go to school, we learn that our way of talking is wrong, and then we have to memorize all of those grammar rules and stuff, but... Well, it's just that I can't stop thinking: who makes the language? Who creates the rules and the way of talking? It's the people, right? The people who really uses the language is the one who owns the language itself. Not the other way around! Cause we seem to be dominated by the rules like that! And yeah, you can say that those rules only exist to make it easier for us to write and all that, and that we have to have a model do follow and stuff, but...

Oh, what the heck... I want to be a jornalist and I'm here, complaining about the language that I'll use to pass my ideas. Cause I have to admit, it's so weird when I see a portuguese mistake on a journal, newspaper, whatever. And I have this crazy behavior of looking for it, so why am I saying all of those things?

Well, that's a more complicated question. Or not. Earlier today, I was talking to a friend of mine about our priorities in life -and about how we are doing less than we can. We are not taking ourselves seriously, you know... We don't study, we don't read, we just wanna have fun, and I guess we're just wasting all of our potencial. And I know we do have potencial, cause we're here, right now, at a very good center of study. At least, I'm talking for myself...

And then, I noticed something weird; well, I critize when people judge other people mistakes, like I said before, but now, I'm the one making a lot -and when I say a lot, is a lot -of mistakes. And I feel terrible for it! I feel lousy, really! So, other people can make mistakes, but I can't?

That is weird.

A strange way of thinking, actually. So what should I do?

I was always the person who speaks a correct portuguese... My own mother says that I'm like her grammar or something! But now I'm doing all of these mistakes, and I have no idea what happened! I just forgot all of the rules? Those same rules that I said that are kind of useless and restraining?

And I feel bad about it. Cause, deep inside, I want to speak correctly. I mean, who doesn't?

And that's important. Maybe those rules are not that useless, anyway...

Shit. I'm having this stupid "crise existencial" and yet, I know my life's great right now. It just feels right, you know... It's like, all the places I have been, all the things that I've been through and all the people that I've met, they were all parts of the journey that would get me to this very specific moment. To this place. With those people. In this city.

And why am I writing in english? Well, let's put in that way: guess I'm having some problems with my own language.

And I hope this is something that I'll use as a lesson.

Maybe I'll start studying now...

Or not. ;)

And I'm sure there's a lot of english mistakes as well...

But you know what?

I. don't. care.